Saint Benedict Week 2026: Awaken with a Rule of Life - 18th July 2026
A personal testimony of spiritual awakening presented at The Lay Community of St Benedict's Study Day during Saint Benedict Week 2026
I remember very clearly the moment of awakening that brought me to Benedictine monastic life. I was on a Qi Gong retreat, sitting in a Buddhist shrine, when I realised that I had to stop hedging my bets. Like many modern spiritual seekers I had been dipping into an assortment of traditions and practices but now I knew that if I was to enter into the depths of the spiritual life I had to commit to one tradition and its time honoured practices. I sensed the presence of Jesus Christ and knew that I had to follow the path of a personal relationship with him. I was being called to return wholeheartedly to the faith into which I had been baptised as an infant.
So what brought me, a baptised Christian, to that Buddhist shrine? I had always been dissatisfied with superficial answers and was drawn to exploring the depths of reality. I was working as a computer scientist and had been caught up in the excitement of early experiments with ubiquitous computing and social media, things that are now so much part of our lives. But from early on I ceased to be convinced that these technologies were going to lead us into a better life. I knew the brain fog and sense of dislocation that came with too much time staring at a screen but writing software for the internet earned me a good living whilst I tried to figure out what life was really about.
I was raised in the Church of England and for a long time took my church going very seriously but there was a deep dissatisfaction, a desire for something more that I couldn’t quite articulate. I did not find that something within the church. I began to dip into things New Age and found that there were many spiritual practices that had the potential to completely change one’s experience of life, to take one into a deep encounter with reality. I was particularly drawn to meditative body practices like Tai Qi and Qi Gong, perhaps because of the disembodied nature of my professional life. I needed to bring my mind, body and emotions together.
I realised that whatever practice I embraced it needed discipline if it were to have any impact and very soon I developed a daily practice of Qi Gong standing meditation. Oddly enough I encountered Thomas Keating’s books on Centering Prayer through a New Age book club and his writings inspired me to combine Centering Prayer with standing meditation in my own personal synthesis. So here were the beginnings of what I might call a ‘rule of life’, a simple pattern of daily practice that over the years sustained me through a complete reorientation of my life.
Although I had a core practice of Qi Gong and Centering Prayer I continued to dip into other forms of meditation, particularly from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. I learnt a huge amount about how to be present to what was happening within and around me. I began to touch into that fulness of life that God wants for each one of us, although at that time I would not have put it that way.
As I became more aware of my bodily self my emotional life woke up and I had to deal with the baggage that I carried from the past. I was blessed to have the help of a patient and compassionate Jungian analyst as I navigated that journey. As I would say now, the ear of my heart was being awakened.
I continued rather erratically to attend church and became more aware of the mysterious power of the sacraments. I was an example of the ‘pick and mix’ approach of a modern spiritual seeker but looking back I can see God’s hand at work in that eclectic mix. This variety of practices had begun to open up my whole being and I encountered a sense of a loving presence both deep within and way beyond me.
Which leads me to the Buddhist shrine… I had been very committed to a path of spiritual growth but it was on my own terms. Now I was being challenged to engage with the tradition within which I was raised and to accept an authority beyond myself. When I returned from that retreat I sought out a Franciscan friar whom I had met through my parish church. He suggested that my longing could be for the enclosed religious life and encouraged me to visit some communities.
When I attended Vespers in the church at Malling Abbey I knew that I had found what I was seeking. God’s loving presence was palpable here and I wanted to join with the sisters in whatever it was that made this so. It took me a couple of years to take the plunge, quit my job, rent out my house and become a postulant at the age of 51. That was in 2009. I then found myself living a life without an internet connection, a life structured around prayerful engagement with the scriptures – in the offices and times for personal prayer but also in its embodiment in the practical life of the community.
Benedict’s rule spoke to me of the sacredness of the whole of life, to be as mindful in my handling of cutlery as I was in the actions of the liturgy. Living closely with others required me to be attentive to my reactions and of the emotions that were driving me. Times of study engaged my mind and work in the garden provided exercise for my body. There was a balance and rhythm within which I could flourish.
We do now have an internet connection but I am very restrained in how I use it, knowing the incipient addiction that could fill up my time in mindless surfing. The structure of our life constantly reminds me of the primacy of my relationship with God and accepting that I must let go things that are not in themselves bad but crowd out my awareness of God.
Sometimes I wish that I had come to this life much sooner, to have had more years to explore the riches of the Christian tradition as embodied in Benedictine life. But I am also grateful for the variety of practices I encountered on my journey towards monastic life, nothing has been wasted. Benedict’s Rule is weaving everything into a Christ-centred life, gradually forming in me a Benedictine heart.
Mother Anne - 18th July 2026